Wow Hyper

     So I just got back from Curves and holy crap do I have a lot of energy. "Moves like Jagger" was on the radio, so I blasted it the whole way home. I barged in the door and just had to dance with Dublin. I picked him up and we danced around the kitchen, much to the dismay of my Mother. Then I put him down and danced some more. Why am I telling you this? It's the first time in weeks if not months that I actually feel semi-normal again. I feel like I actually have energy. Yay for improvement!

     Making more progress on my board game. I've chosen cool themed fonts (duh) for all the different categories of questions. I am so clever.

     Wonder how long this energy will last...

Result

     Okay. so the pizza wasn't bad. Maybe it was even a bit good. But it's not pizza. Some other sort of open-face wrap or whatever, but pizza is not meant to be like that.

     Had a pretty stressful dinner conversation. It made me pretty upset. I feel guilty about my money situation, and completely hopeless about fixing it. Spending addiction: one more problem to deal with with my non-existent psychologist. Hmm that's going great. I just had a shower and straightened my hair for the first timer since Thanksgiving ... the Canadian one! Making myself look good unfortunately doesn't make me feel any better.

     Tomorrow morning I'm going with Maman to Costco, and then hopefully I can start at Sunrise in the afternoon. I'd love to be able to go and do trivia and play Scrabble and chair yoga, or whatever they have going on. I hope they don't make me wait until my criminal check clears. Not that I have a criminal record, mind you, it's policy when working with the elderly.

     I am so so so exhausted after my day, it was incredibly stressful and upsetting. I really want to just go veg on the couch and play Skyrim for a bit, to take my mind off my life. Yah it's avoiding and yah I'm not supposed to do that but too bad. Hopefully I can get out of my phone call tonight.

PS. I think people are hypocrites relating to the Aboriginal crisis in northern Ontario right now. It makes me angry. Perhaps I will elaborate further tomorrow.

Day 6

     I got to sleep in this morning until 12:45 which was nice. Almost 12 hours of sleep; here it is 6pm and I've not needed a nap, and I don't feel overly tired. So I guess that's good. After breakfast I was taken by surprised and forced to go on a walk. I was going to work on my homework, so that kinda annoyed me. We walked for an hour, by the end of which my knees and hips were killing me. Mommy and Daddy talked to me about managing my finances (which I really suck at), and trying to get help for my problems. Of course, the medical world has months-long waiting lists, so it could be quite a while. They're going to help me not get worse until then.

     Finally when we got home i was able to work on my project. It's actually pretty fun, at least so far. I'm making a board game for my Crime and Media class. It's sort of a mix between Monopoly, Life and Harry Potter Trivia.I've spend all afternoon continuing with my research for trivia questions. I just read the Frizl case and I was thoroughly intrigues, astonished and disturbed. If you have the time, you really should read the article!

     Guess what? Pizza for dinner! Guess what else? It's being ruined. I have an issue with "ruining good food". I'll eat my healthy vegetables no problem! Just don't try to make something like spaghetti, pizza or hamburgers healthy. I hate it when my parents ruin spaghetti sauce by putting in mushrooms and zucchini and peppers. Spaghetti sauce to me is strictly bolognese, and you cannot tarnish it's deliciousness with crap. I'll have a side salad or steamed broccoli or grilled zucchini, just stop ruining my whole meal. Tonight is pizza, yes, but it has chicken instead of pepperoni (and we all know how I feel about chicken!), mushrooms (the only good thing), green and red peppers, olives, onions. That's not even a type of pizza. I'm okay with all dressed, I actually really like it. But pepperoni is like the best part of a pizza, and what's the point of making something delicious in to something gross. Makes me not like pizza. No, I take that back. I like pizza, just not this. Grilled chicken with BBQ sauce, fine. But not chicken and tomato sauce. I am very annoyed. I will try to give a fair assessment later.

~Mourning pizza,

Day 1

     So here we are, Day 1 of my recovery. I'm tired and don't feel like writing, I'm going to go see if I can sneak a quick nap on the couch.

     Maman allowed me to sleep in today until 2:30. Daddy said that since it's my first day, I can't be expected to get back into the swing of things right away. It took an hour to eat breakfast, and then Mommy took me to Curves as part of my recovery. Yay for exercise every day. I don't have any feelings about it at all; not mad or annoyed or excited or anything. Going back at 5 for my orientation and first work out.

     Nap time.

My Long-Awaited Return

     Yes, I know I have been away for far too long, but I have a decent reason.

     I have been totally overwhelmed from school, to the point of depression. I spent two weeks sleeping every moment I was able to sneak in. I stopped going to classes, didn't do any homework, or even anything fun, like quilting or reading. See? Actually a problem. A week and a half ago, I went to the walk in clinic and was diagnosed with vegetative depression. I then spent a night in the hospital, only to be sent home (and really, I just went back to bed). My mom came for a few days to try and help me out, but it was decided the best thing for me to do was to come back home with her.

     I have decided to share this for a few reasons. Very importantly, is that depression is nothing to be ashamed about. I am not embarrassed or ashamed of this, it happens to many people and just needs to be dealt with. It was also suggested to me that I need to get back into things that I used to enjoy, and blogging about my experience will hopefully be therapeutic as well.

     I don't know who will read this, if anyone, and so I am really doing it for myself. I promise to be as honest as possible with my feelings and what is going on. I will just say for the record that suicide is not at all a consideration. Like I keep telling people, "I don't want to die, I just want to sleep". In all honestly, I just need to find purpose again.

     Wish me well,

Nearing the End... Hand Quilting Time!

     So I am very excited, and I just had to share, so that you may all enjoy my happiness. I have finally finished the top of my current quilt project! My previous post explained that it's my adaptation of an Originellie's pattern. It's a folk art quilt, as many of her patterns are, but I think I've pulled very far away from anything remotely folk-art-inspired, and modded it up with my modern tastes. I love it, and I think it's gorgeous. But still, no picture until it's finished!

     I just started to hand quilt (yes, I'm going to hand quilt the whole thing, that's just what I do ... and I love hand work!) I couldn't help myself, I had to start before I could tear myself away to blog. Or eat; suddenly I just realized that I'm starving.

     Stitch in Time

Back To My Love (Quilting!)

     Has it ever been a long time since I've posted! Unfortunately my classes, job search and other blog (Reading In Love it's the one I update most often) has kept me very busy. Last night, however, I sat down on the couch with one of my current projects, and my list of TV shows to catch up on, and had a really wonderful evening.

     The quilt I'm working on at the moment is largely based on Originellie's pattern Garden Club. I have featured my three cats, added some butterflies, and of course used fabric that is so my taste. Here's the original pattern as a little teaser, but I won't post pictures of my quilt until it's at least mostly finished.

     I do have to spend a lot of the day putting my kitchen back together after the work we had done. Mostly just a fix-up/clean-up, but we had to empty the room just the same. I refuse to let this take too much time, as I have quilting to do! Obviously, that's way more important!

In Stitches